Bench Press, Pull-ups, and Pat Benatar

Two consecutive posts that have nothing to do with sports...this has to be some kind of record. Today's topic: Soft Rock Hell.

I am a member of New Tech Fitness here in Blacksburg, VA. It is best described as a local gym where you see more or less the same folks every time you work out. The kind of place you assign nicknames to people you don't know and, once you do meet them, learn what their actual nickname is and call them by it. From "Cheeseburger" to "Tank", they're all regulars. Another thing you can count on in a gym like this is controversy over little things. For instance, the weight room was just re-arranged, quite well I thought, but some people had to get all upset over it. The musical selection has been a long-standing issue. We've gone from satelite radio to internet radio to local radio and back, classic rock to alternative rock to techno. But never have we entered Soft Rock Hell...until Tuesday.

I arrived at the gym to find the radio tuned to local station Q99 out of Roanoke, VA. As I changed in the locker room, "Borderline" by Madonna came blaring through the speakers. At this point, I thought it was kind of funny - I had my ipod, so no worries on the music. I finished changing, grabbed my ipod, and headed to my workout. On my way, I paused at the front desk and made the comment to my friend working behind said desk that playing Q99 is the kind of thing that will make people cancel their membership, or at least make sure they never forget their ipod. We laughed and I went on downstairs to prepare for chest and back. I smiled as the voiceover came on the radio: we play the best hits of the 80s, 90s, and today, from Elton John to The Eagles to Nickelback, here on Q99!. "Thank God for my ipod," I thought to myself as I slid the headphones through my shirt. And then...nothing happened.

My headphones went dead. Not like I-might-need-new-headphones dead, but like you've-got-to-be-kidding-me-these-things-are-completely-dead dead. I frantically took them out, put them in...tried it again...nothing. For the first time in the three years I've been at New Tech Fitness, they are playing soft rock on the radio...and I've got dead headphones. So here I was, trying to super-set chest and back in Soft Rock Hell.

I went about my workout following a couple of choice words muttered under my breath. Flat bench and pull-ups to John Mellencamp and Kelly Clarkson, incline bench and seated cable rows to Jimmy Buffet and Cyndi Lauper, weighted dips with Mariah Carey. Let me be the first to tell you, there's nothing like some good Mariah Carey. But listening to "Hero" while you try to push yourself up on the fourth set of dips is not encouraging. Duncan Shiek, John Mayer, Pat Benetar, Carrie Underwood, and The Eagles (they did promise) rolled me along through most of the remainder of the workout.

At this point, I should tell you that there were two problems. First, of course, were the songs themselves. Second though, is that I will sing along to almost anything. Somehow, over the course of my 26+ years on this earth, I have learned many of these songs despite never listening to Lite 102.9 during my youth in Mint Hill, NC. But, between trips to the dentist and doctor, long rides on elevators, and being stuck in the car with my mom and aunts, I've learned the lyrics to these songs. But it's not just me. I can remember a couple of nights in college that Rhino and I sat there rolling on the floor in laughter listening to Delilah and singing along to these crappy songs. Somehow two hicks from Mint Hill learned this crap, it's ingrained in all of us, slowly killing our masculinity. Anyway, so there I sat between sets on the incline hammer strength machine mumbling the words..."fathers be good to your daughters, and daughters will love like you do..."

Finally, "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker came on and I nearly went over the edge. My last exercise, chest flys on the pec deck, and I am subjected to one of my least favorite songs ever. "This could not get any worse," I thought to myself.

Then, suddenly, an angel came and rescued me from Soft Rock Hell. The station changed! I had been forgiven for my musical sins and extended a second-chance on this day at the gym. We were switched over to 105.3 The Bear for some new rock. Then, to my dismay, my angel turned out to be a product of Satan himself. Why? Because as soon as we switched to 105.3, a new song came on.

"Something in Your Mouth" by...Nickelback. My all-time least favorite band. It was then and there that I decided this workout session belonged on FMyLife.

Needless to say, I am making the trip to nearby Christiansburg for a new set of headphones prior to the next workout. And, should I ever be without my ipod again, I will never, ever remain at the gym for another day of Soft Rock Hell.

Follow me everything is alright...

Rays of Light

Halloween is coming up next Friday, October 31st. It is a big deal around Chapel Hill, with somewhere between 65,000-80,000 folks showing up on Franklin St. The over/under for the number of these individuals that are intoxicated is 78,508.5. I never cared about this "holiday" prior to college, and could care less now. But, for four years, it was the third-biggest day of the year, behind Late Night with Roy and the home game versus Dook. I attended all four Halloweens, with varying costume success. My freshman year, I did not dress up (had no idea it was such a big deal), but did witness our exchange student friend Jose dressed up as a chicken and watched my dear friend Tommy walk straight into a door. To quote John Madden, "boom!" Sophomore year, I dressed up as Yoda and took pictures with a ton of people. Apparently Chinese people really, really like Yoda. Junior year I dressed up as Carolina basketball great Kris Lang (pic) and talked like a thug all night...like that was hard for me. Finally, senior year I dressed up as USA gymnast Paul Hamm, complete with name on the back of my shirt. Unfortunately, all night I had people yelling "hey Mia" at me.

I tell you these things because I have figured out my costume for this year if I were to attend Halloween on Franklin St. I would build a wagon around me, buy a spanking new jersey and hat, carry a cowbell, and ask questions like "how many points do you get when they cross home plate again?" and "what's a balk?" and "why don't they have 4-run homers?". That's right, you guessed it. I'm going as a fan on the Tampa Bay Rays' bandwagon!

Many, many moons ago, Tampa Bay was awarded an expansion baseball team, this coming five years after they nearly stole the Giants from San Francisco (after San Fran stole the Giants from NYC some 35 years earlier). They had some fans for a year or two, but a bad team, bad venue, and bad management decisions ran them off. So four the next eight years or so, Tampa largely ignored the Devil Rays. Now, all of a sudden, people are going to Rays games...and cheering. It's almost like the were kidnapped and held hostage for eight years, then turned loose right as the playoffs began. Where have you been folks?

Alright, I'm done. It is very hypocritical of a Charlotte sports fan to be critical of any other city's fanbase, but we have a reason to be. As for the upcoming World Series itself, I have no preference. I appreciate Joe Maddon listening to your's truly and a) matching up his bullpen pitchers lefty/righty; and b) using David Price when the game mattered. I'm not kidding, when Price entered the ballgame, I ceased to be nervous for Tampa at all and felt like the game was over. As long as he controls his emotions and throws strikes (check and check), Price cannot be hit right now. No one has seen him enough to write the book on him and his talent level is too high to be hit without knowing his tendencies. However, I was completely off base prior to the playoffs in picking Chicago to beat this team, largely because I did not think they had enough bats to carry them. Little did I know that Upton, Pena, and Longoria can carry a team, with plenty of support from Crawford, Iwamura, Navarro, and Baldelli. This team is strong from top to bottom. Which is why...

The Rays will win the series in 6. I'd break it all down for you, but why bother when a professional has done just that. The only area I feel Philadelphia is much stronger is the bullpen, but Price changes that for me. I think Maddon can mix and match enough, then rely on the rookie in the key situation (not always the ninth, mind you) to bail them out. The starters for Tampa (except Kazmir matched up against Hamels) are much better than the Phillies' starters and their order is balanced (lefty vs righty) and strong from top to bottom. Thus, I am picking the Rays. In other news...

• Late Night with Roy is Friday night, officially kicking off the basketball season in Chapel Hill. Finally.


• I cannot yet write coherently about last Saturday's loss by the Heels in Charlottesville. I did not go with the expectation of a win, but after 58 minutes of domination, I felt like it was at least a distinct possibility. I thought we had lost in every conceivable manner...then we blew a lead and lost in overtime.


• That being said, Charlottesville is still beautiful. The Grounds are gorgeous year-round, but especially in autumn. It felt kind of odd to hear someone call Carolina fans rednecks, but I guess to the posh attendees of Thomas Jefferson's University, we are. And I did not mind a bit (pre-game).


• Life is a bit off-base right now. How do I know? I've nearly died in the gym three times recently. First, I managed to finish a clean-and-press by pressing the bar right into my jaw; felt like a Mike Tyson uppercut. Second, I flipped a bar after unloading only half of it following a heavy squat; not unusual other than the fact that I'd had more weight on only one side in previous workouts without flipping it. Finally, I almost threw a heavy dumbell over my head while preparing to do flat-bench; I celebrated my final mishap by listening to Savage Garden during my dead-lift.


• Firefly. Which fittingly brings us to today's closing lyric:

"If you don't know, now you know..."