NFL Stands for "Not For Long"

The above quote was famously made by then Atlanta Falcons head coach Jerry Glanville to an official after what he deemed to be a bad call. As in, "sir, this is the NFL, which stands for Not For Long when you make those kind of calls." It might be one of my favorites of all-time related to sports, up there for "we talkin' 'bout practice", "we didn't do diddly-poo", and "playoffs?!". I tell you all of this because I needed a creative title for an NFL Preview blog and that was the first thing that popped into my mind. Besides, I got to watch all of those classics while linking to them. With that being said, here is a list of some number of NFL thoughts, predictions, and ramblings. I'll decide how long the list is when I finish numbering it.

1. No one will go undefeated this season. I mentioned it following the Super Bowl, but as time has progressed, my disappointment in New England has grown. I am a fan only of the Independence High School Patriots, not the New Englanders. I do prefer them in general over the New York Giants, but would never lose sleep over them losing the the G-Men under normal circumstances. But I decided the other day that New England's Super Bowl XVIXXIVI loss is the most disappointed I have been in regards to the outcome of a game between two teams I do not have major rooting interest in. As in, I would not normally care that much who won, might have a slight preference at most. But to see NFL history of that magnitude pass us by is just really disappointing to me.

2. No one will go 0-fer either. Don't forget, through week 12 last season, the Fightin' Fish of Miami had not won a football game. Leave it to Baltimore to fix that for us. I don't think any team is quite that bad this year, but 2-14 is not out of the realm of possibility (Kansas City, I'm looking at you).

3. Chad "Ocho Cinco" might be the biggest idiot in sports history. He is a PR machine, but what do people really think about him? At least he has not gotten arrested or contributed to any major scandels thus far, which is saying something considering his surroundings in Cincinnati. Marvin Lewis should just get himself fired. You know, streak on the field during a game or something so that Cincinnati can talk about how "embarrassed" they are by his actions and are "forced to make a change". Do something memorable Marvin and then run after they release you from the hell that is that organization.

4. Did I just ask to see Marvin Lewis' junk on national TV? Oops. Wear a thong Marv, thanks.

5. The Colts are going to actually have to play an entire season. For the first time since 2000 or so, Indy will not have clenched their division or a playoff berth in November and will not be resting starters the last 3 games. Between Manning and Jeff Saturday (Tar Heel) dealing with injuries, plus a tough division, the Young Horses will have to fight for a post-season berth.

6. "Colts" has to be one of the wimpiest nicknames in professional sports. Check out the definition of colt. Would you want to be known as one of those? A compliment to a man is being referred to as a "stallion", not a "young, inexperienced person".

7. I like the 49ers this season. Last year, they were the trendy playoff team. This year, everyone assumes they are going to suck. Their defense is solid, Frank Gore is pretty good, and Mike Nolan needs a good season as coach. The problems are being in the first year of a Mike Martz offense (complicated), having below-average wide receivers, and DeShaun Foster is their backup running back. DeShaun is a great name. His game, not so much.

8. As much as I like the name "Lil' Kyle" for my son, I could be convinced of "DeKyle" as well. Make me a good argument on that one, I'll hear you out.

9. Dallas is either going to be really, really good or implode. I vote for the former.

10. Whale's Vagina is going to sleepwalk through another season and still be 12-4 or so. San Diego has enough talent to do that. The bigger issue is that I just wasted 20 minutes watching Anchorman clips on YouTube as a result of that joke.

11. And now, so did you. What a classic.

12. Living in Blacksburg, with a ton of Northern Virginia (Nova) transplants, there is a huge Redskins' following. There also used to be a large Atlanta Falcons following as well until DoggyGate. Anywho, I will say that Skins fans are loyal and loud. I will also say that this season, they will be disappointed. 6-10 disappointed.

13. Brett Favre has slight indigestion from the chicken burrito he had for dinner last night and ESPN has Wendy Nix on site to report on his condition. Turning it over to Wendi:

"Yes, it appears that Brett Favre did indeed consume a chicken burrito last evening. According to sources close to the situation, he was dining with his wife, Deanna, and actually ate the entire burrito in five minutes, twenty-seven seconds. It appeared to have been topped with sour cream, but no cheese since he no longer lives in Wisconsin and has to eat cheese on everything. Following the burrito, approximately forty-two minutes later, Favre was seen clutching his upper stomach and burping slightly. Thankfully, a couple of TUMS alleviated the pressure and Favre was able to sleep well throughout the night. ESPN will have a Town Meeting, an E:60 story, two SportsCenter features, a six-pack of questions, and Lou Holtz "Dr. Lou" segment, and of course its own Bottom-Line caption to update fans on the situation. Pedro Gomez will also shadow him moving forward, and Chris Berman will be by to blow Brett...I mean, lend his support. Now, back to the studio."

14. I am hopeful for the Panthers this year, but a number of things have to fall right: better secondary play and pressure on the quarterback leading to an increase in opposing teams' turnovers, Jake Delhomme's arm not falling off, and using the 2-RB system correctly. Williams and Stewart seem to be the kind of guys that are looking to make an impact in any way possible and do not care about the spotlight right now. A two-headed rush monster is just what this team needs. I can really see 10-6. But...

15. My theory is that each season, 75% of NFL teams have the ability to finish 10-6 or 6-10. Not somewhere in between, but those exact records. For example, I can talk myself into a 6-10 Carolina Panthers season just as easily as 10-6. This is also a league where every team has hopes of the playoffs each year (again excluding a handful - KC, Miami, Atlanta, and probably Baltimore), which is why the NFL is the most popular in pro sports: every fan feels like this could be their team's year.

16. AFC Playoff teams - New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Jacksonville, Indy, Tennessee (same 6 as last year which means it won't happen; don't believe in Cleveland; Houston, the Jets, and Buffalo are all 8-8 or 9-7 though)

17. NFC Playoff teams - Dallas, Green Bay, New Orleans, San Francisco, Carolina, Philadelphia (no Giants which was tough; Seattle finally misses; and not buying the Minnesota hype).

18. I talk myself into: Carolina is 10-6 and Jon Beason becomes a household name.

19. I will win at least one fantasy football league this year. I am in three, just like last season. Last year, I finished 2nd in two leagues and dead-freakin-last in a co-ed league that I co-founded and commish. How embarrassing is it to lose to your girlfriend, two female cousins, a school teacher, and a pharma-to-be who paid no attention all season? Pretty bad. But, shout out to cousin Car battling through freshman year of college, cousin Whitney battling through senior year of college, and cousin Lindsey for getting knocked up (by her husband, cousin-in-law Jason) and being preggers with "niece" numero uno. Quasi-Uncle Kyle is stoked. Anyway, the Hokie Thugs are determined to bring home a victory in one of these leagues in 2008.

20. Also, a shout out to Miss Angela - keep fighting, you are always in my prayers.

21. The Tar Heels were awful against McNeese State, but you knew that already. Maybe the team will use the extra rest this weekend to improve the run game and pass rush (fat chance on the second one) and the parachuters can practice landing at the correct stadium. My advice: remember that Kenan Stadium is the one with people actually in it to watch the game.

22. The Hokies hope to get well against the Purple Paladins of Furman this weekend. I had a friend in high school who wore a Furman University hat all the time because it said "FU" on it. Rutledge, if you're reading this crap for some awful reason, congrats on your recent tying of the knot. The Hokies, meanwhile, are switching back to using Tyrod Taylor at quarterback in some capacity, which has been the talk of Blacksburg this week. I did overhear a conversation this week about how it was stupid to waste Taylor's redshirt because "our season is already F-ed up anyway". Glad to know that a close loss in your first game to a good non-conference foe on a neutral field ruins the season. Moron.

23. It's time. All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight: Super Bowl XLIII Pittsburgh 31 Dallas 17.