The Blue Team Live Rundown - NFL Draft

It’s time to get serious. Currently, there are five (5!) sporting events going on that matter: NFL Draft, NBA Playoffs, NHL Playoffs, NASCAR racing at Talladega, and the Yankees vs Indians MLB game. Ok, maybe only four things that matter, who needs the Yankees anyway. It’s time to implement all four of the TVs in my den, including the POOP (Picture-Out-Of-Picture) and put together The Blue Team Live Rundown of the days’ events. Without further adieu:

3:00pm EST – The NFL Draft kicks off, the Raptors/Magic game tips off, the green flag drops at Talladega, and the puck drops in Detroit.

3:03pm: Miami Dolphins are on the clock.

3:04pm: The Fish take Jake Long, OT from Michigan. Shocker. Everyone, of course, loves the selection.

3:07pm: I just got home from the gym, so I’m stretching and trying to rehab myself. Brief distraction already from all these sporting events.

3:11pm: The St. Louis Rams select Chris Long, DE from Virginia. Howie is excited I’m sure. The Fighting Michael Vicks are on the clock.

3:18pm: The Atlanta Falcons take Matt Ryan, QB from Boston College. So much for that brilliant reporting by the Charlotte Observer that the Panthers “really want to trade up for Matt Ryan.” I guess the price was just too high. Or they were blowing smoke.

3:19pm: The green flag actually just dropped as well for the Nationwide Series race. Got a bit ahead of myself.

3:23pm: Potty break. This segment of The Blue Team Live Rundown is brought to you by EAS AdvantEDGE Protein shakes. Mmmm, strawberry cream.

3:24pm: In case anyone cares, the Magics are leading the Raptors 22-15, and lead the series 2-1. I feel like I should tell you that because I highly doubt anyone has watched more than two minutes of that series besides me. Is an individual an Orlando Magic? A Magics? What’s the singular/plural form for this team? What a stupid nickname. “Go Magic” should only refer to the Hall-of-Fame point guard, not a team in Florida. Then again, it is Disney territory. This is the same company that owns the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Morons.

3:24pm Part II: The Wings and Avs are already squabbling on the ice. These two rivals really hate each other. Some of the best playoff hockey I’ve seen in my life has taken place between these two squads. Wings are on the power play as a result.

3:26pm: Did you know Darren McFadden has two brothers who were in rival gangs? One was a Blood, the other a Crypt. Thankfully he wore neutral colors today; don’t want him to get capped on national TV.

3:27pm: The Blood/Crypt battle will continue in Oak-town. McFadden to the Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders at number 4. The Chiefs are on the clock and things should finally get interesting here.

3:28pm: Goal Red Wings. Theodore looks shaky in goal for the Avalanche already. Wonderful. We also have a wreck in the race. Clint Bowyer’s Camping World machine is mashed. Dario Franchitti is carted off on a stretcher.
Pray he is alright, doesn’t look life-threatening or anything, but he seems to be in pain.

3:32pm: We are Under Armour. The future is ouuuurrrr’s! That dude is scary. Someone get him off the ‘roid rage.

3:33pm: All of Canada rejoices as the Raptors make a run to cut the lead to five at the end of the first quarter.

3:34pm: Glenn Dorsey is in tears about something. Waiting with baited breath…

3:35pm: Because he’s going to Kansas City to be a Chief. I’d cry too Glenn. He’s a great player though, a big DT from “national champion” LSU.

3:37pm: J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets! New York and its pack of idiot fans are next up. Meanwhile, Stan Van Gundy is being interviewed between quarters. He looks like a pall bearer. Lose the mock Stanley.

3:39pm: I’m picking my nose.

3:41pm: The Jets fans are chanting for Vernon Gholston, the DE from THE Ohio State University. Gag. I hope they pick someone else so we can see a riot on live television. This is my favorite.

3:44pm: Daggum. Gholston is the pick and the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets fans are happy. And cheering. Instead of rioting. Disappointment abound. However, my mother has called to give me the rundown on young Jackson Coffey’s T-ball game this morning. Jackson apparently loves the spotlight, egging the crowd on after each at-bat. What can you say? That's just Jackson being Jackson.

3:49pm: Jason Kapano has nine points already for Toronto. He has also impaled three Magics with his steel-like gelled hair. Correction, twelve points. Dropping three-pointers like nobody’s bidness. Someone guard Kapano, com’on Magics!

3:52pm: Finally! The draft gets exciting. The Patriots traded the seventh pick to the Saints so New Orleans could draft Sedrick Ellis, DT from Southern Cal. Mel Kiper Jr. is hype.

3:54pm: Another trade. The Jaguars have moved up from 23 to 8, trading with the Baltimore Thugs. Mort says they’re going for Derrick Harvey. And I just punched myself in the face. Not that it would be surprising that Harvey is gone before the Pamfuzz pick at 13, but it is still disappointing.

3:56pm: Dwight Howard is shooting free fros for the Magics. Remember when Orlando was debating on choosing Howard or Emeka Okafor first in 2004? Sigh. I wish they had been stupider.

4:00pm: And hour one in the Live Rundown ends with the Jags selecting Derrick Harvey, the DE from Florida. Mel Kiper Jr. thinks Harvey is overrated. I think Mel is overrated. Glad we all agree. He and Chris Berman nearly get into a brawl about the Ravens’ logic here. Mel would annihilate Berman. “Mel hits Boomer, and Berman goes back back back back…gone!”

4:02pm: Cincinnati will select Keith Rivers at number nine. The LB from USC is ecstatic. He had better go ahead and get a mugshot taken, since he’s guaranteed to be arrested at some point as a member of this organization.

4:04pm: There’s an Allstate insurance agent in Blacksburg named Steve Nash. Do you want soft, pretty, Canadian insurance that doesn’t win anything? Call Steve Nash here in Blacksburg!

4:09pm: For the record, Keyshawn Johnson looks like a used-car salesman, circus ringmaster, and Bozo the Clown
all rolled into one. Who dressed him today, Helen Keller? Craig Sager wouldn’t even wear that combination.

4:11pm: This segment of The Blue Team Live Rundown is brought to you by Kroger-brand cashews. Delish. In other news, the Red Wings just scored again. 2-0.

4:13pm: New England just took Jerod Mayo, LB from Tennessee. The Pats fan they show cheering this selection is a 27 year-old-ish brunette who looks very…Boston. Do you think she has any clue who Jerod Mayo is? 1000-1 odds on that. Let-Go-Buff-a-lo is on the clock at number 11.

4:15pm: Talking about New England, Keyshawn eloquently states, “they know what they doin’ with they draft.” Brilliant. Thanks Snoop Dogg.

4:16pm: Goal, Red Wings. 3-0. Flipping the POOP to the baseball game for a bit.

4:18pm: Leodis McKelvin is selected by the Bills, the CB from Troy University. ISP Sports rejoices, congratulations to Bob and Ben, our wonderful staff with the Troy Trojans. On a related note, I think Leodis was the name of a dude who used to pick up our trash when I was a kid. On a more related note, I wanted to be a trashman when I was four because I wanted to ride on the back of the truck. That was my pre-school answer to “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Somehow, I lost myself along the way and ended up in sports marketing.

4:23pm: Denver selects Ryan Clady, the OT from Boise St. Daggum yet again.

4:24pm: The Carolina Panthers are on the clock!!!

4:25pm: Time to focus. Lots of options here, mostly at offensive tackle. Otah and Williams are both here. However, my preview yesterday said that if Harvey is gone, the Panthers should look to trade down to allow a team to grab one of the running backs (Stewart or Mendenhall). I wouldn’t mind taking either of them ourselves, but I really think they could do more with added value later in the first round.

4:27pm: With the 13th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers select Jonathan Stewart, running back from Oregon. I think I just threw up in my mouth. I think we could have traded down and still gotten him, but I don’t know if there were any takers. A little disappointed I have to admit. Don’t get me wrong, I like Stewart a lot, but I don’t know if this was the ideal situation for drafting him. Dad is ok with the pick for the most part, considering what was available and citing the need for a big back.

4:31pm: 4-0 Red Wings. And a fight breaks out. Good brawl too. Also, Stephanie Ready with a great sideline report on the NBA game. Stephanie covers the Bobcats as well and does a decent job because she’s always ready for anything. Thank you, two shows on Friday and a matinee on Sunday.

4:33pm: Rashard Mendenhall is waiting, hoping to be selected by Da Bears. His girlfriend is quite…dark. Attractive too. And dark.

4:36pm: Mendenhall is surely disappointed, as Da Bears select Chris Williams, OT from Vanderbilt. On the POOP, Ian Kennedy walks in a run and the Indians take a 1-0 lead. Sac fly makes it 2-0. The dude who bangs his drum in the left field stands is…banging his drum. Go Tribe.

4:42pm: Big wreck at Talladega. 15 cars or so. Nuts and bolts rolling around everywhere. A little judy off the bat of Victor Martinez scores another run, 3-0.

4:43pm: Trade made, Kansas City jumps back up by trading with Detroit. Looks like Branden Albert, the OG from UVA is the guy.

4:44pm: And he is. Way to go Wahoos.

4:45pm – 4:58pm: Phone conversation with Grandpa Nick G, mostly regarding the Tar Heels’ early entries into the NBA Draft. Danny Green is the latest to declare. Gramps speculates that Will Graves and Mike Copeland will join him soon. Then, Chief says, “it is ironic that on this huge day in sports that we’re sitting here discussing Carolina basketball. But, what’s a brotha to do?”

4:55pm: Arizona selects Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB from Tennessee St. Nick says, “um…relying on Mel for this one.”

4:58pm: Gosder Cherilus, OT from Boston College goes to Detroit at 17. Definitely the first dude named Gosder to be selected in the NFL Draft. Big trade going down too, as Baltimore moves back up to grab a QB.

5:02pm: Joe Flacco, QB from Delaware is taken by the Baltimore Thugs. He’s going to look great in a skull cap protecting the house with Ray Lewis. Do you think he took notes on how to properly throw his helmet from Terrell Suggs on Monday Night Football last year? If he throws a football as hard as Suggs threw his helmet, then all those stellar Baltimore receivers had better get some extra padding in their gloves.

5:03pm: On a separate note, Roger Goodell seems more relaxed as the Draft-day chairman than his predecessor, Paul Taguliebueaiaue (spelling anyone?). He even gives the occasional shout-out to a team’s fans as their selection is made. Rog is so money and he don’t even know it.

5:06pm: Baltimore fans rejoice. Other 1-AA quarterbacks selected highly in the draft include Bubby Brister, Neil Lomax, Jonathan Quinn, Giovanni Carmazzi, Josh McCown, and Tarvaris Jackson. Hooray!

5:08pm: So there’s an event in Blacksburg today called Sud Flood. It’s a day-long par-tay downtown, with bands and beer. Now, I know God promised to never end it all again by flood. But was that specific only to water? Because if so, I’m now concerned, as Sud Flood is the most likely event to end the earth by a flood of beer.

5:10pm: I just yelped in amazement, as the Panthers have traded up to number 19 in the first round with the Eagles. Quarterback or O-Linemen?

5:11pm: Jeff Otah, OT from Pittsburgh it is. He’s fat. 6-6, 322. Glad we addressed the need for an offensive linemen, I just hope he’s the right guy and worth whatever we gave up.

5:13pm: A brief ceremony honoring military and fire/rescue/police personnel is talked-over by ESPN’s crew. Great job guys. Maybe if they’d shut up for three seconds we could have enjoyed that segment. When is someone going to rip out Chris Berman’s vocal cords? He makes me puke. Get the bear from Semi-Pro on the phone.

5:16pm: It’s pouring down rain in Blacksburg. I’m worried about the beer suds mixing with the H2O and causing a bigger flood.

5:17pm: Holy poo. We traded our #2, #4, and next year’s #1 to Philadelphia for Otah. That’s steep. I am disenchanted right now. Calling tarheelpwin to vent, but he’s out walking Pebbles and cannot be found. Geez all Pete.

5:20pm: Tampa Bay takes Aquib Talib, CB from Kansas. He is really good, as I saw him in person at the Orange Bowl. He took an interception to the house in first quarter and shut down our passing game throughout the game.
5:22pm: Dad has been located and we’re both pissed. Waaaay too much to give up in our opinion. No one on ESPN has made a big enough deal about this. If it were the Cowboys, they’d have to sedate these analysts. But the Panthers don’t matter enough to warrant a rant from Mel Kiper Jr. It really seems to me that Marty Hurney and John Fox are mortgaging our franchise’s future in order to get “impact players” for this season so they don’t get canned. The idea is that our first rounder next year will not be a good pick, because in their minds, the Panthers will be a playoff squad and pick late in the first round. However, if this pick ends up being high, they’ll be gone anyway, as that would insinuate a terrible season for Carolina that ends with both of them fired. I’m not stupid guys, I know what’s up.

5:28pm: Atlanta trades with Washington to number 21 to draft Sam Baker, OT from USC. Mel Kiper Jr says it’s a reach. The Cowboys are on the clock and everyone in New York is booing. So is everyone in my apartment.

5:32pm: This segment of The Blue Team’s Live Rundown is brought to you by Thin Mints, the best Girl Scout Cookie of them all. Yum. Also brought to you in part by Cheerwine, the nectar of goodness in the South.

5:37pm: Dallas selects Felix Jones, the Arkansas RB over Mendenhall. Yikes. I’m not so sure about that one. He is supposedly a “home-run hitter”. Just remember those guys strike out a lot too.

5:39pm: Orlando defeats Toronto 106-94 to take a 3-1 series lead. Put the fork in Toronto, they are done. Too soft. Next up are the Lakers and Nuggets. Keep an eye on Kobe Bryant. No, not on the court, in his hotel room. Stay away from the Gold Diggers Kobe.

5:44pm: Pittsburgh takes Mendenhall, the Illinois RB, with the 23rd pick. Willie Parker should be challenged a bit by this selection. However, I think it helps him out a lot as well. His longevity will improve vastly by adding an inside runner like Mendenhall. A luxury pick, as it was described by Chris Mortenson.

5:47pm: Kenyon Martin nearly shattered the backboard on the first dunk of the Nuggets/Lakers game. Glad he’s hype. Too bad that’s all Denver is: hype.

5:50pm: Chris Johnson, the RB from East Carolina just got selected by Tennessee at number 24. Um, wow. I’ve seen him in person four times and he is fast and versatile. But in the NFL, the dancing he does in the backfield is going to get him Jacked Up! by someone. Certainly a reach in my opinion. Seattle is on the clock and no one outside of Seattle cares. Although I actually know two Seahawks followers, one from Carolina and another who lifts with me here in Blacksburg. Both of them picked “a team no one else liked” when they were kids. Surprisingly, that adage still holds true.

5:52pm: Talladega is winding down here, 11 laps to go. Want to bet on if there is another caution flag? I say yes.

5:56pm: Sacks packed with Yankees and Hokie Diamond Thugs member Robinson Cano is at the plate. Mrs. Robinson is batting about .167 this season and has found a spot on my bench most days.

5:57pm: Mrs. Robinson strikes out looking. And I stand corrected, Mrs. Robinson is batting .156 on the year. Go HDTs!

5:58pm: Caution on the raceway and I win $100 from…myself.

6:00pm: Dallas and Seattle swap picks 25 & 28 so the Cowboys can select Mike Jenkins, DB from South Florida. Meanwhile, Jorge Posada lines a triple that got by David Dellucci in left field to the wall, clearing the bases. 3-3 ballgame in Cleveland.

6:03pm: Some woman in the crowd in Denver is checking out her puppies as we zoom in on Kobe Bryant. Seriously, she was looking straight down her shirt and re-arranging whatever was down in there. Hopefully Kobe did not see it, cause he might have to buy his wife another $20,000 ring to make up for his “actions”.

6:05pm: Tony Stewart garners his first win at Talladega, fighting off Dale Jr. and others on the last lap.

6:06pm: Houston selects Duane Brown, OT from Virginia Tech. I’ve seen Duane about 30 times, 20 or so in person. He’s solid, big, and quick. Really good in pass protection, ok against the run. His plays with fire and intensity and is a good dude. I was hopeful the Panthers could steal him in the second round, but that clearly could not happen.

6:08pm: ESPN breaks in to report the days’ news. Included in that was that the Charlotte Bobcats fired Sam Vincent. Most people are surprised to learn that the Bobcats even had a head coach last season, much less that Sam Vincent was that coach. More analysis to come on that in The Blue Team’s Bobcats Breakdown, due in at some point next week.

6:10pm: Antoine Cason, DB from Arizona, is selected by San Diego at number 27. I like this guy, he was always making plays for a pretty bad team each time I watched Arizona play. Thankfully, that was not all that often, but he did register in my mind for his big-play tendencies.

6:12pm: The Seahawks are back on the clock. In other news, there’s grass growing outside my house.

6:14pm: 23-20 the Looos Angel-es Lakas at the end of the first quarter. How exactly do you spell Stephen A Smith phonetically? That’s my best attempt. I love that guy. He’s so…Stephen A.

6:15pm: Seattle selects Lawrence Jackson, DE from USC. Welcome, Lawrence, to the land of rain, lattes, Asian people and Reagan North.

6:17pm: TNT’s Craig Sager has on a dark red blazer, pink shirt, and redish/black tie. He is my inspiration.

6:19pm: Kentwan Balmer, DL from North Carolina, goes to San Francisco at number 29. Taaarrr…Heeeeels. Thank you Kentwan for being a great testament to Coach John Blake, the D-Line coach at Carolina. He can now point to Balmer when talking to a recruit and say, “see, there’s a guy I coached up to the NFL.” Balmer is versatile and should play on the edge of the 49ers new 3-4 defense. Good luck Kentwan, enjoy San Francisco.

6:22pm: Green Bay trades pick 30 to the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets! More Jets fans! I love it. Of course, ESPN was talking over Commish Goodell when he made the announcement, but judging from the reaction of the draft attendees, it had to involve one of the New York teams.

6:23pm: This portion of The Blue Team’s Live Rundown is brought to you by Miller Lite…good call! But not Kurt Busch…bad call. Boooo Kurt Busch. Hooray beer!

6:25pm: The J-E-T-S fans want either a WR or QB. I hope they choose a fat lineman. A fan holds up a sign that reads, “the J-E-T-S can S-P-E-L-L”. Of course, the handwriting looks like a third grader. I guess no one said they can W-R-I-T-E well.

6:27pm: The pick is in and the J-E-T-S select Dustin Keller, TE from Purdue. Airplane bottles are flying around the draft, the riot is underway. A stunned, young J-E-T-S fan has his hands folded on his head. He’s headed for big things working at a hot dog stand with someone named Vito, constructing mock drafts on the side.

6:30pm: It’s 36-36 all in Denver. I’m wrapping this up at the end of the first round (one more pick), so you’ll have to deal without further commentary on the Lakers/Nuggets game. I know, I know…contain yourselves. I will mention that JR Smith has followed Allen Iverson’s lead on tattoos. The Nuggets might actually lead the NBA in “percentage of total team bodies covered by ink”. Then again, Nene weighs about 400 lbs now, so he is not helping the team’s cause. Neither is Eduardo Najera, who is still the pastiest man of Hispanic descent I have ever seen.

6:35pm: The New York Football Giants take Kenny Phillips, the safety from Miami in a predictable selection. The U is proud.

With that, I believe our time here together is up. I’ve rather enjoyed stealing the running diary idea from Bill Simmons and spending an afternoon on the sofa. So our day currently looks like this:

Red Wings win 5-1
Tony Stewart wins the Nationwide Series race at Talladega
The Magics beat Toronto 106-94
The Panthers mortgage their future for a fat lineman from Pittsburgh. Gooo Otah!

And…wait, what? There’s one more pick in the first round of the draft? Quickly, to the Commish:

With the 32nd pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the New England Patriots select……